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Speaking of big tobacco, I've decided to seriously increase my rate of alcohol consumption. People sue the cigerette makers for billions of dollars, so I figure if I show up to court pulling my liver around in a little red wagon, Anhauser-Busch can give me a decent retirement. Who needs a 401K when you've got beer money!!

What?? Alcohol is bad for me? Huh. I just never knew, your honor.

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Here is another idea. Why don't we just put all of the personal injury ambulance chasers and class action dimwits on several cruise ships. Then let the Navy have target practice!!! That should cure a lot of the problems.
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