Speaking of big tobacco, I've decided to seriously increase my rate of alcohol consumption. People sue the cigerette makers for billions of dollars, so I figure if I show up to court pulling my liver around in a little red wagon, Anhauser-Busch can give me a decent retirement. Who needs a 401K when you've got beer money!!
What?? Alcohol is bad for me? Huh. I just never knew, your honor.