Northwest Patriot
10-01-2005, 08:58
After I left this site and I was done with hearing about Christianity, I was ON MY OWN! I was extremely troubled and I couldn't find anyone to help me so I went out on my own to find my spirituality. It wasn't long untill I lost contact with my own spirit and I felt as though God wasn't listening or he didn't care about a little punk like me anymore, so I DIDN'T listen anymore. I became a total atheist and lost touch with many of my Christian friends that I fear I will never have good words with again. That is if I see any of them again. You don't know how bad that feels, to betray and hurt your friends because of beliefs and then "see the light" about it all.
I move TWICE in the space of less than one year and I feel lost and even worse because everywhere I go I feel even more like the scum of the world and there was NO WAY that some "god" existed. Got involved with anti-Chistian activism on a site called "positive atheism." I even dabled in the occult with the Wicca and Pagan teachings, never actually wanted any of it because most of those "religions" taught of some higher existance, and that I HATED!!! Shows how deep I had gotten myself in with hatred for any religions' gods.
Moved to Utah, lived with the Mormons, HATED it and became even more jaded and cynical. Threw away any book that I thought had anything to do with god from my personal library. I got involved with Mormon bashing and anti-Mormon crap which is bad only because I should've loved them all and let them live their lives in peace.
Moved to Oregon, fell in with the Anarchists BIG TIME! I was quickly getting involved with activism in that sense too, I will say I didn't ever do anything violent to anybody, ever, throughout my troubles as I never wish true harm upon anyone, though at the time I might. Got involved with hippies (yes hippies) and one time I even met an "Earth Liberator," I only tell you this part because it is important to my story a little bit: I, at times, found myself questioning my sexuality, though now I will gladly tell you that I am straighter than ever. I almost got involved with drugs and met up with a lot of trouble with some major tweakers and homeless guys, fights and stuff.
I finally found myself just totally depressed and "manic" worse than ever. Kind of similar to bipolar only take out any happy "high times" and replace them with depression too! One day, I found my way to a site that I would have gladly beat the owner up over, a Christian activist site. I found myself wanting to read what he had to say, I was tired of fighting and I think that is when my major repentance process began. I now know that most of the things that happened to me were my own fault but that Satan was really working HARD on me! I recongnise this FACT now.
I got along with a guy on another site and he express mailed me a bible from Georgia for about 25 dollars plus the cost of the bible (I am guessing about 50 dollars, it was a nice bible) FREE OF CHARGE! I read and read that book like it was nobody's business! I had dreams of me being happy and at a church with everyone being happy to have me there, this dream recurred for several weeks and I think it was a message from God. I could be happy again. I could find love and peace again.
I found myself going back to my old memories and several times actually thought that I should die because of the things I had done, which was a lot of stuff. One day I read about a guy who was always persecuting the Church and Jesus came to him and asked "Why do you persecute me?" The story of his repentance and conversion hit me like a rock. I could do the same!
I quickly did what I had never done in the time since I lost touch with the God who was trying to reach me. I prayed. And I prayed and prayed. Forgive me Jesus!!! Bring light back into my heart and soften it to your teachings!!! I know I am nothing without you and would be doomed to hell with out you and deserve it any way.
I was saved again (that is, if the first time was negated). The point is, that I repented, and soon afterwards I found myself coming back to the site I left to begin with. Here I am!!!
I left out major chunks of my story due to obvious reasons and personally, if any of the stuff I said should be read by anyone, the stuff I left out shoud definatley be forgotten and left between me and God and those I was with durring those times. This has been very hard for me to say and several times I was on the verge of just erasing this whole message.
I want everyone to know that GOD LOVES YOU AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE (except for killers and similar criminals like rapists) YOU CAN BE FORGIVEN AND RECIEVE CHRIST INTO YOUR LIFE!!!
To the Mods and Bill: I don't want you to think that this was a flame in any way, just sharing my experiences with everyone to learn and possibly grow from. I certainly grew from them.
Hey if you guys don't listen to this post, that's your own choice and frankly, I don't care. I do care about anyone who does find any strength from this message. This is the full truth and I know it is, I don't need anyone else to 'cause as long as I know and believe, I am good to go!
Thank you for your time and I want to hear POSITIVE responses only... Please! Leave the flames and hard feelings for another time if ever! And please don't lock this thread!
-MITCH
I move TWICE in the space of less than one year and I feel lost and even worse because everywhere I go I feel even more like the scum of the world and there was NO WAY that some "god" existed. Got involved with anti-Chistian activism on a site called "positive atheism." I even dabled in the occult with the Wicca and Pagan teachings, never actually wanted any of it because most of those "religions" taught of some higher existance, and that I HATED!!! Shows how deep I had gotten myself in with hatred for any religions' gods.
Moved to Utah, lived with the Mormons, HATED it and became even more jaded and cynical. Threw away any book that I thought had anything to do with god from my personal library. I got involved with Mormon bashing and anti-Mormon crap which is bad only because I should've loved them all and let them live their lives in peace.
Moved to Oregon, fell in with the Anarchists BIG TIME! I was quickly getting involved with activism in that sense too, I will say I didn't ever do anything violent to anybody, ever, throughout my troubles as I never wish true harm upon anyone, though at the time I might. Got involved with hippies (yes hippies) and one time I even met an "Earth Liberator," I only tell you this part because it is important to my story a little bit: I, at times, found myself questioning my sexuality, though now I will gladly tell you that I am straighter than ever. I almost got involved with drugs and met up with a lot of trouble with some major tweakers and homeless guys, fights and stuff.
I finally found myself just totally depressed and "manic" worse than ever. Kind of similar to bipolar only take out any happy "high times" and replace them with depression too! One day, I found my way to a site that I would have gladly beat the owner up over, a Christian activist site. I found myself wanting to read what he had to say, I was tired of fighting and I think that is when my major repentance process began. I now know that most of the things that happened to me were my own fault but that Satan was really working HARD on me! I recongnise this FACT now.
I got along with a guy on another site and he express mailed me a bible from Georgia for about 25 dollars plus the cost of the bible (I am guessing about 50 dollars, it was a nice bible) FREE OF CHARGE! I read and read that book like it was nobody's business! I had dreams of me being happy and at a church with everyone being happy to have me there, this dream recurred for several weeks and I think it was a message from God. I could be happy again. I could find love and peace again.
I found myself going back to my old memories and several times actually thought that I should die because of the things I had done, which was a lot of stuff. One day I read about a guy who was always persecuting the Church and Jesus came to him and asked "Why do you persecute me?" The story of his repentance and conversion hit me like a rock. I could do the same!
I quickly did what I had never done in the time since I lost touch with the God who was trying to reach me. I prayed. And I prayed and prayed. Forgive me Jesus!!! Bring light back into my heart and soften it to your teachings!!! I know I am nothing without you and would be doomed to hell with out you and deserve it any way.
I was saved again (that is, if the first time was negated). The point is, that I repented, and soon afterwards I found myself coming back to the site I left to begin with. Here I am!!!
I left out major chunks of my story due to obvious reasons and personally, if any of the stuff I said should be read by anyone, the stuff I left out shoud definatley be forgotten and left between me and God and those I was with durring those times. This has been very hard for me to say and several times I was on the verge of just erasing this whole message.
I want everyone to know that GOD LOVES YOU AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE (except for killers and similar criminals like rapists) YOU CAN BE FORGIVEN AND RECIEVE CHRIST INTO YOUR LIFE!!!
To the Mods and Bill: I don't want you to think that this was a flame in any way, just sharing my experiences with everyone to learn and possibly grow from. I certainly grew from them.
Hey if you guys don't listen to this post, that's your own choice and frankly, I don't care. I do care about anyone who does find any strength from this message. This is the full truth and I know it is, I don't need anyone else to 'cause as long as I know and believe, I am good to go!
Thank you for your time and I want to hear POSITIVE responses only... Please! Leave the flames and hard feelings for another time if ever! And please don't lock this thread!
-MITCH