I'm sure this has been posted before, but it always amuses me:
The Book of Armaments
also called the Book of John Moses (Browning)
In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was the pistol, and it was good. For John Moses of the tribe of Browning went up into the mountain, even unto the top of the mountain. And there he prayed and fasted for a time, making himself ready to receive the Designs of the Lord. And John Moses received from the Lord many designs, and he received also the 1911, yea, and the design thereof, and rendered it into steel. And the Lord saw that the 1911 was good, and blessed it, and said "Let it be made in .45ACP, that you may smite thine enemies a mighty blow, for the .45ACP shall cleave unto the 1911 as a man shall cleave unto his wife, and likewise the 1911 shall cleave also unto the .45ACP, just as the HiPower shall cleave unto the 9mm Parabellum, for these unions are holy in My sight, and thou shalt not stray from them." So the 1911 in .45ACP came to pass, and it was good, and the righteous therefore smote the minions of evil, as the Lord had intended.
And behold the Lord said, "Thou shalt not muck about with the 1911 of the prophet John Moses, for it is good and it worketh. For John Moses made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, have given him upon the mountain. And shouldst thou muck with it and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm".
And as the ages passed men became proud, and they did forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the Gamesmen did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their artisans didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by avarice. And lo, they did install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord, for they break and lose their zero when true aim is needed.
And man in his foolishness heeded not the Word of the Lord, but the falsehoods of the gunwriter whores, who wrote that man must have these things, lest evil overcome him. So the artisans and metalsmiths did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became only for the wealthy, for they demanded many shekels for these their abominations, and the workers of the field toiled in vain, for they could not render this price. And so were the people separated from the Lord, for they had not His 1911. And yet the profaning of the internal parts didst verily render the 1911 unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it and sensitive even unto the ammunition it was fed.
And so it came to pass that fearful malfunctions came upon these, the abominations of the artisans and metalsmiths who had set themselves up upon a high place, that man would worship their works, and the evil one did see these things also. Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men, and planning that he might further ensnare man, Satan did bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, and being a deceitful spirit the lord of the underworld did create these plastic pistols in such a way that the artisans of man were unable to muck about with the design, and lo, therefore, did these pistols function. And Satan did also make these pistols hold many rounds and so man forsook the rites of accurate pistolcraft, saying it required much effort, that he might instead spray many bullets and hope to strike his foe. And Satan made these plastic abominations in 9mm Parabellum, so that man would believe that, as the round is holy, so also must the plastic pistol be holy. So therefore were the eyes of man clouded, even the workers in the field, and they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them. And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger did both cock and fire them and which require a dingus to make them appear safe. But men, being stupid, did not understand these new pistols and did shoot themselves with the plastic pistol, and with the trigger cocking pistol, for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence, which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continued to sing the praises of these new pistols, and forsook the 1911, for they knew it now only in the form of an abomination. And Satan did also cause them to forsake the .45ACP, which God had given them, for it fit not into the plastic guns, and man desired now many bullets to spray at his foe.
And the lord of the underworld did cause mankind to believe, therefore, that they should have a new cartridge for the new plastic pistol. And he did cause them to believe they could create of their own will a cartridge better than the .45ACP and 9mm Parabellum, that the Lord had given them. So it came to pass that man brought forth yet another abomination, and he called it the .40 S&W. And in his pride, man cried, "It shall smite our enemies a blow as mighty as the holy .45ACP, yet we shall have also many more of them in our plastic pistols, and so shall we attain the Kingdom of Heaven". But the .40 S&W, being an abomination of Satan, did bring evil upon the heads of man. And so a plague of terrible Ka-BOOM did descend upon man and the plastic pistols, and thus did this Nemesis deliver retribution upon the pride of men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land, and confusion amongst those who were yet blinded by Satan.
But the righteous saw the sinfulness of the plastic pistol, and of those with a dingus, and also the abomination that was the .40S&W, and they forsook all these evil things and rent their garments and purified themselves. Then did they behold again the Word of the Lord, and sought again the 1911 in its holy form. And seeing that the eyes of man were opened, and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who restored the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they worked as the prophet had designed and the Lord had intended. And there was great rejoicing. And so the men of the land drove out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land. And the evil men who would prey on the men and women of the land were therefore sent to the place of eternal damnation by the followers of the Lord.